Thinking about my life, I have done and learned many things.
Pun alert: there are a few puns in this post. Yes, they are intended but most of the situations are real.
I learned to fire a weapon and earned a sharpshooter medal. I also learned morse code and related skills. After advanced training, I was assigned to a military facility overseas.
I met many people from all over the world. It was like being in a cocoon. I saw things that made me proud and other things that dismayed me.
Though I was tempted to re-up, I decided to get out when my initial time ended. I explored working in a non-military branch, the FBI or NSA. In the end, I decided not to pursue the idea.
I did enroll at an HBCU to study accounting
The university provided a nurturing environment. It was a perfect backdrop for learning how to overcome limited thinking that I developed in the previous years.
Despite the experiences I had before this, I had never seen so many black women pursuing their academic dreams in one place.
It dissipated the awful energy expended over the last few hundred years to paint black women as unworthy, still, of a seat at the world’s table.
The school and the people in it bolstered my self-perception as a black woman in this country.
As it is in all human activities, even in this place, there were good experiences and not so good. I learned from all of them, because they helped shape my life. I went back out into the world with renewed courage and reserved hope.
After graduation, I worked at an oil refining and exploration company. I enjoyed my time living in and traveling through the plains, the southwest and west coast. I traveled all over the country doing my job. And I made a few friends.
I did my work and planned on moving up in the company. Of course, my plans changed when I became a casualty of the boom and bust nature of the oil and gas industry. During one of the downturns, I was let go.
Fortunately, I had passed the CPA exam and was able to find a job at a major northeast bank. Again I was able to travel, reviewing corporate credit ratings and participating in the issuance of various credit instruments all over the country.
I asked for and was granted leave from my job to participate in a business exchange trip to Holland
My time in Amsterdam, the Hague, Rotterdam, Scheveningen, the tulip and flower markets, and sailing excursions on the canals plus being hosted by families in towns and cities in the Netherlands, was life-affirming.
Gouda, South Holland, Netherlands
In the Binnenhof, I met a gracious gentleman, a well-known member of the Dutch resistance, who granted me a generous gift that I treasure to this day.
I didn’t forget. Yes, I made it to the bank when I was in the Hague!
Eventually I landed a position in the midwest offices of the same bank. I travelled to see client companies in the region – the American heartland – and felt safe doing my job.
Please keep my hair out yo’ mouth
As the soul sister in the office, I had poignant moments with coworkers who felt that my natural hair would be a problem in the staid offices of some of the midwest’s largest companies.
I was disappointed but not surprised that my manager stepped in the fray. His suggestion that my clients may have a problem with my hair was a revelation. That was a surreal moment due to the fact that this man was projecting his judgment upon me. Indirectly. Needlessly.
Was this a reckoning? How should I handle this bit of psychological warfare upon my soul? This issue was and continues to be debated in the military. I thought this was the final nail, the last act in a play for which there was no script. It was laughable but I was not laughing.
Was this a way to set the parameters for my next act in this situation. Is this a trap? A test? Is this what that good education prepared me for? That it’s all coming down to … my hair? **
I informed him that I always had a great time with the people in the companies that I visited. I never had any incident that prevented me from approaching my clients with the utmost professionalism. Often, I connected with clients because of my roots in the heartland and my military experience.
I wondered if they requested I not be sent back because I was a woman. Perhaps a darker thought took over? It was disheartening to know that my work had nothing to do with this contorted thinking – just the way I looked. It was preposterous to try to make over a black woman so that, somehow, she is … not black?
That’s what happens when nothing is clearly spoken but the meaning was crystal clear.
One Door Closes
I knew this: my time in the military was the last time that I would live in boot camp conditions. The casual abuse of new recruits was accepted because there was nothing we could do about it.
This was not the first distracting issue in the office or the last. Grown people were around me but this was the property of junior high school! In this case I did have a choice. I decided that the corporate world was not as important to me as it once was.
I searched my soul. I had to take steps to protect my mind and do damage control for myself. I made the big step to fulfill my desire to be an artist, creator, and free woman. That feeling just grew stronger. So I did it. I left the corporate world and never looked back.
It was always within me
I love working with my hands and figuring out how things work. Challenging myself to just get out there and do it, I started making small boxes and cabinets for my sewing and designing.
Over time, I challenged myself to design, construct, and install:
- roll out drawers in my kitchen cabinets
- bathroom vanities and cabinets
- retrofitted glass panels in kitchen cabinet doors
- under stair cabinet storage with doors in the garage
- hatch door in a closet ceiling
- double height pots and pans cabinet on casters
- closet shelving
- a wall hung closet clothing cabinet with drawers
These and other projects helped continue the work I began with my dad. They also pushed me to face the unknown and grow my skill base.
I made other items like an elevated container garden. I learned new skills such as installing hinges and adding unconventional features to the project.
I was fulfilling practical needs, too, like repairing rotted wood window framing.
I persevered, even when tempted to scrap a project out of embarrassment or frustration. I only felt that way when I made mistakes or lacked knowledge. If a project went right, I felt right. When things went the other way, I paid attention!
The tale of the roubo bench directly correlates to the development of my skills and growth of my confidence. Read about and follow that journey in three parts starting here.
In future posts, I will make some reveals from my look book and talk about how they came to be, including these:
- presentation boxes
- tool cabinets
- saw tills
- saw vise
- computer desk
- storage chests
- chair with upholstered seat
I gained great satisfaction and a feeling of accomplishment from doing each one.
All of this activity finally led me to set up my own small studio that I use as a laboratory for my ideas and as a self-care sanctuary.
⦁
For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
⦁
Make a promise and don’t close the door on yourself.
-Shirley J
🌹
** About the hair: here is a heartwarming update and the law.
